my mouth tastes like poor choices
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
