god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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