The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
