I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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