I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
