I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
