If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
