HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
