i just had sex bonerless
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
