I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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