Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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