is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Farmville is her only friend.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
