garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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