Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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