I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
