i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
