we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
