A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
