i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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