I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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