My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
