kristin has been a bad kristin
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
