I wanna bring you to show and tell
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
