You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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