2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
