What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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