I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just invented taco cereal.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
