problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
