he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
