I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I can tuck mytits in my pants
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
