Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
