do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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