3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
