it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I have fence marks all over my body
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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