so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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