Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
