I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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