I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
