lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Randomize
