took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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