How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
