Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
