just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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