How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
