fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you didnt know i had herpes?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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