This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
