hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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