I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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