I CAN MOONWALK!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
