Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
