Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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