He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
