Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
