I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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