thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
